A Boy Named Sue – A Dented Car

When I reflect on the song, A Boy Named Sue, I think about the influence fathers have -whether they are absent or presence- in the life of their children.  Although some may argue that men are merely biological contributors, I believe at heart we all know that is far from the truth.

(Read the article from the Atlantic titled Are Fathers Necessary?)

Despite the American Psychology Association’s Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men bias against “traditional masculinity”, it did have some positive statistics to share about the health and well being of children when a father is involved in the upbringing of the child.

Father involvement (in studies) have shown positive influences in the children’s behavioural, psychological, cognitive and financial stability.  Their involvement with infants is associated with advance language development and lower likelihood of cognitive deficiencies and fewer behavioural problems.

Father involvement with school-aged children has “been associated with increased levels of academic achievement, more positive school attitudes, literacy development, academic competence, nonverbal cognitive functioning, fewer internalizing behaviour problems, higher levels of emotion regulation and math and reading skills, and social adjustment.”

Father involvement has been associated with healthier eating patterns, lower internalizing problems especially for daughters, higher self-esteem, less delinquency, fewer depressive symptoms, less violent behaviour, better grades and less substance use.

[1] https://www.apa.org/about/policy/boys-men-practice-guidelines.pdf  (page 12) August 2018

So then, the take away is that caring and involved fatherhood matters and does have a positive influence on children.

Whether consciously or unconsciously, planned or unplanned men have an impact on the identity of the people around them.  We discussed these very ideas in one of our Genesis Man small group meeting. Primarily, we tackled the question of how our presence have had both positive and negative effects in the lives of our children, wives, girlfriends and those in our spheres of influence? 

I remember one year during the Christmas season my daughter and I were in a parking lot and when she opened the door of the vehicle, the wind was so strong that the vehicle door blew from her hand and dented the car beside us.  Right there I was put in a dilemma.  What lesson was I going to teach my daughter? What influence would I leave in that moment of time?

I went around and examined the car hoping that there was nothing there, but of course, there was.   (Sometimes we spend time wishing things weren’t, yet the reality still remains.)  On top of all that, it didn’t help that some random guy who saw the whole thing actually told me to forget about it.  He was basically asking why would I even bother with dealing with that circumstance?  It was a non-event in the larger scope of life…  (Can you believe that?)

What did I do?  I’ll tell you at the end of the article…

Getting back to the point, the small group big idea is that we as men influence those around us.  I know that’s not really a profound statement, but many times we fail to assimilate this simple truth.  I believe that men have a mandate to help shape identities in our sons, daughters, wives and those we mentor. 

Of course, people have a say in who they are and who they will become -no matter how polarized you may feel in the old “Nature vs Nurture” debate- but the influence of things, people and the environment are undeniable.

From a masculine foundation, Adam (the first male template) brought identity to his environment and purpose through the naming of the animals.  Socially, we see him influencing identity in his family when he meets Eve for the first time and makes that loving proclamation, “You are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh and you shall be called Woman…” Gen 2:23.  (I talked about this in more detail in the Genesis Man book. Also chapter 3 will be uploaded to the website soon.) If you analyze this statement, Adam provided security and, in a loving way, was helping Eve to realize who and what she was as she was new to the neighbourhood. He had been kicking around for a while playing with the animals and eating fruit.

Going back to the topic, if Sue’s father could have such a huge impact (albeit negative) being absent, imagine the influence if he was present (not perfect) and trying his best to make things good providing an emotionally and economically secure existence.

Full disclosure: Shel Silverstein, the author of the song, wrote a parody “The Father of a Boy Named Sue”.  It was a twisted sequel that as far as I know was never performed and doesn’t do justice to the original.  (That’s a blog for another day.)

Full disclosure again: I can thing of a few times where my kids observed me leaving an influence that wasn’t positive, however, I did put a note including my name and number on the windshield of that vehicle.  Recently when I was talking with my daughter about that windy day predicament, I asked her what she thought about what had happened.  Interestingly enough, she said it felt like one of those situations when you are faced with a choice and you have an angel and a devil on both shoulders giving you opposite advice.  (That’s also a blog for another day…)

Having reached the end of this piece, we have a lot of things to consider.

What can a man do to be a more positive influence?

What can women do when absent (or present) fathers are being negative influences?

Finally, would you ever name your son Sue?

What do you think?

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Conversations & Comments

1. 

   praise God that’s awesome I myself was a wrestling fan,God is a miracle worker what he did in Shawn Michael’s…

2. 

   Wow that’s awesome I didn’t know he used to drive a taxi but God used him to deliver his message…

3. 

   Wow that’s was an interesting blog you break it down so timely love it .God loves us no matter what…

4. 

   Good job with the survey

5. 

   Great job