Contributor: Marcus* (husband and father of two children)
Theme: Fatherhood & Parenting
Context: Marcus’ response to a question I asked him. It was in preparation for a sermon I delivered a few weeks ago…
Hello Brother,
You asked – have the heavy parental weight and challenges been lightened because of my relationship with God?
Answer: No
I have never been so heart broken. A great darkness enveloped me, and I despaired that I was done. Shame was right there with me. Hopelessness threatened me. I was driven to my knees in fear. Does that describe a lightened load?
When my son rebelled, I used to get angry. His defiance undermined my intention to be a good loving father. His hateful words would cut me. I would respond with more control and become emotionally distant.
We went to counseling together as a family to help our “way of being family”. I went to a counselor for my own struggles related to my own failures and weaknesses. People prayed for us, and we’re getting better. But that is so misleading to say out loud. I wonder what has gotten better? His behaviour is still volatile and I can still lose my cool.
But something has shifted in me.
My children are a mirror to me of how I must look to God. I don’t like what I see.
I am however being taught to love myself, and trust my Father. When I have submitted to Him and people prayed for us, I noticed a remarkable change. I responded differently (mostly) to the pokes. A calmness is now more prevalent in my attitude.
I don’t always fly off the handle at the perception of being disrespected. In short, I am becoming more like Jesus.
A few days ago, He gave me a vision that I’ll share with you, I wonder at the timing of it and your request 🙂 …
Picture a toddler sitting on the floor in a mess of his doing. Food all over him, things scattered about. Runny nose and eyes. You get the picture, right?
Well, someone bigger comes near who I can’t see and my heart was overwhelmed with what I heard him say gently not critically, and as best as I can recall:
“Sooooo, you’ve made a hash of things, have you?” The toddler nods, somewhat sadly. Then the voice says with incredible gentleness, “well, let’s get things sorted out then.”
This is the difference in being a Christian vs not. We have Jesus to help us sort things out for sure, but the bigger take away for me was His gentleness. So I responded to Him that I wanted to be more like Him in how I am to my wife and kids. No more frustrated impatience or harshness, but just as He is loving me, I can love them.
That reminds me of your favourite song these days, [10th Avenue North – “Lead Me with Strong Hands”] about [God] lead[ing] me so I can lead them. The tweak here is love me so I can love them.
So, the answer then is no, but maybe it’s both yes and no. The difference between a Christian and a non-Christian handling grief and stress – to me (and I’m a work in progress) has to do with knowing hope and letting ourselves be loved and forgiven. We don’t get a bye [substation] from pain or humiliation or being hurt.
But Jesus is here for us. I was taught by a mentor years ago to stop making these things about me, it’s about Jesus. Get back to Jesus. Let him forgive me. Let His love flow over me. Stop being so proud thinking that I have to have it together. It’s impossible, so let Jesus have more say in my life.
And then Jesus gave me that vision, lol. It’s a reminder that even He always looked to His Father to know what to do and what to say. What a moment of a profound ground shift for me. And that my brother, is something I will never forget by the grace of God. I am hoping that we’ll continue to become more submitted to Him. I’d love to share that my son has demonstrated changes in his behaviour, but I can’t tell. While I hope and pray that he’ll also become less angry and more loving, I can only pray and continue myself to submit to Jesus.
I pray for you, that your sermon would be guided by the Holy Spirit, that hard hearts would be softened, that relationships would be reconciled, and that people would choose to let Jesus love them fully.
*Contributor’s name change for anonymity
I wanted to thank Marcus for his honesty and willingness to share his struggles. He and his family are still in the midst of this life journey and wished to remain anonymous.
Please leave your comments, thoughts and questions below.
Israel
The Genesis Man Project 