I was speaking to a single mom some time ago, and she spoke rather candidly about the frustration she was experiencing with the father of her son. And rightly so, since he was failing on many fronts. She was also somewhat deflated by the short comings of numerous (it seemed) poor fathering examples (of men) found in the Bible.
Abraham, Lot, Noah, Jacob and David (all made some poor choices), and the list goes on… From favouritism to infidelity and in some cases incest (yuck). I agree some of the examples are quite hard to read. Should I even begin to mention other biblical characters who were less than stellar husbands? However, interestingly enough, God still had some positive things to say about some of those very same men.
I can understand how this could leave some women scratching their heads… (even when trying to make sense of these behaviours in the light of cultural and social historical norms). This perhaps creates an elephant-like question in the room: Was God biased when it came to the masculine gender? Does God even care about proper fathering?
Here are my thoughts, and they are just my thoughts…
First of all, because God chose to highlight these men, (with bad rap sheets from our vantage point) it doesn’t mean that other good fathers and husbands didn’t exist. It doesn’t mean that they were a representational, cross-sectional sample of all males from those time periods. The Bible is not a survey. These men don’t necessarily represent a cultural “riding” or some kind of social ratio.
So why did God choose some of these men, for example: David – a man after God’s own heart, committed adultery; Noah “walked with God” yet was guilty of a few noteworthy alcoholic incidents.
Why? That’s a good question.
Here’s a consideration: perhaps the most overwhelming currency in the Bible is that of redemption and restoration. Within the best of us (male or female) is the very worst of us… but God makes the difference.
In any event, some of the men reading this blog may have made a spectacular train wreck of their lives, leaving a carnage of damaged people and emotions – which is not good, but God is good.
I’m always optimistic that whatever has happened in people’s lives, (yes, consequences will be faced) God can redeem and restore us and will say positive things about us.
Having said that, still a man’s greatest testimony is not so much what the neighbor, work colleague, or church brethren say. I believe it lies in what his family concludes about him as a father or a husband. That’s where the ‘rubber hits the road’ for compassion, grace, and spiritual consistency. This is where when one is at his weakest, the strength of the Saviour is allowed to shine through.
Obviously men are not perfect humans; however, family life is an opportunity for the Lord to make up the slack and repair character shortfalls. It’s worth quoting the bridge in the song, “Lead Me” by Sanctus Real. We listen to the verses as his wife and children are calling him to strong leadership. In a fit of honesty, feeling the pressing weight of his insufficiency, and realization of these enormous tasks, he reaches out…
“Father, lead me with strong hands so I can lead them…”
(Check out this link to a real man song!) Sanctus Real “Lead Me”
My mind always goes back to step-father Joseph. Can you imagine how his son (Jesus) felt, knowing that His dad stood by His mother (when any self-respecting Jewish man would have bailed from that relationship -with far less soul searching)? After all, the uncomfortable reality was that his fiancee was pregnant.
Still, he chose to listen to God, and loved Mary as his own flesh. Joseph was kind and compassionate – he was not a jerk.
He was also an individual of sexual integrity. In Matthew 1:25, the Bible tells us that he did not consummate their marriage till after Jesus was born. His desires did not flounder in the swamp of selfishness, which as men we’ve all struggled to free ourselves – present company included. He chose first Mary’s physiological and psychological well being and deeply respected God’s mysterious (and might I add from his point of view ‘crazy’) will.
Men could take a page from Joseph’s book. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Let’s be the kind of dad and husband God wants us to be! Regardless, guess what? Even when we have made a mess of things, God will not write us off. He can do amazing things with imperfections. God can help us aspire to live out and live in the qualities of true masculinity and true manhood found in the Genesis Man.
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