The Rubicon

The Rubicon was the name of a little stream with huge significance.   It marked the border between the desires of General Julius Caesar and that of the Roman Empire.   The Senate had recalled Caesar from his military conquest to come back to Rome without his army.   It didn’t take much for the power-hungry leader to convince his adoring Legions to go back to Rome with him to defend his honour.  With the crossing of the Rubicon, Caesar joined the notorious group of generals who turned the Roman army against Rome.    Once his army went past that little stream, his imperialistic intentions were crystal clear.  Therefore, the Rubicon had become a historical boundary that signified “the point of no return.”  

There are times when we all approach our Rubicons and we are forced to make a decision whether or not to cross.  But what happens when it crosses you?  This year I’ll be turning the ripe young age of 50 (and it’s hard to believe that I am the baby of the family).  While reflecting, it dawned on me that my sister Yvonne Harriott unfortunately did not reach this milestone. She died at the age of 49 due to her lost battle with cancer in 2016, and remained the embodiment of that line in the sand event – my personal Rubicon. 

What happened after that?  Well, a lot of my life systems went temporarily “off line” -or rather to a grinding halt.   Family routine, work life and ministry activities all became collateral damage of this personally unprecedented event.   My wife and our children took a break from all extracurricular commitments. I took some time off my work and also paused my ministry duties.

When things began moving once more, family routine commenced. My kid’s lives needed to get back to normal.   I returned to work  as I needed my income.   Ministry responsibilities, however, seemed to stall like sails without wind.

The reality of the situation was that although things seemed to be slowly getting “back to normal”, there was nothing normal about it.   I felt impatient with my family, unmotivated at work, and shell-shocked in ministry.

So, what is a man to do when he faces life-shaking events?  I considered (rather reluctantly) that perhaps I needed someone to talk with – a professional counselor.

However, before deciding to see a professional counselor, I was surprised at how my own cultural, male and spiritual biases were a hindrance.  As someone from a Caribbean background, how could I “talk my business” to a complete stranger and further more pay money to do it! 

[By the way, when the counselor asked, “What brought me here?”  I felt like saying, “Not my health coverage!”] 

Spiritually, I wrestled with these thoughts: Aren’t we supposed to “pray it through”?  Isn’t it supposed to be between me and God?  Could this just be a spiritual test?

Furthermore as a man, how could I possibly be so vulnerable and “share my feelings”?  Isn’t that so… weak?  Shouldn’t I already have it figured out? But that kind of thinking leads to the alarming statistics where men…

“…account for 3 out of 4 suicides… the second leading cause of death among Canadian [males] aged 15-44, and… the leading cause of death globally among men aged 15-29.”

Todd Minerson (Movember) | Men’s Health | Supporting men at risk

Regardless, I ignored those nagging questions because, well… mental health is about health.  Besides, how could I be the man God wanted me to be if I wasn’t firing on all cylinders?

[Read the first chapter of the Genesis Man to explore this in more detail. ]

But a man has got to do what a man has got to do… Amidst the push back from my own cultural, spiritual, and male biases…  I did see a counselor a number of times.  Do you know what?  I have not ever regretted it.  As a matter of fact, with help I was able to identify and understand the grief that was happening within me. It was not about moving through a check point (which is a common masculine mode of thinking at times), but living in an experience. In the process, I became no more or no less of a man but a healthier human being.

Also, our spirituality is not the only part of us. For those who think God expects us to go through things exclusively with Him have not considered Proverbs 11:14, which says, “in a multitude of counselors there is safety”.

I don’t know where you are in your life, but I know that during this time of crisis the Rubicons are everywhere.  When you are forced to cross it (be it the loss of a loved one, health or job security -fill in your blank… ) that may seem the point of your no return.  It may require you to climb over your biases and seek help.

What do you think?   What has been your Rubicon? What has stopped you from reaching out to others? What has been your experiences? Please leave your comments and feedback at the end of this page.

Once you have made your comment, send an email (see below) with your contact information and Canadian residents could receive by mail a free paperback of “Genesis Man: The Masculine Identity“!  Non-Canadian residents will receive a digital copy!

Contest Details: Each day, beginning Sunday February 21st to Saturday February 27th, I will be conducting a daily draw and will be announcing the winner on the 27th.   I will be giving away 7 paperbacks / digital copies.

Contest/ Challenge

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